Rants, reality and learning to embrace the little things.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I'll never make it onto the cover of a domestic magazine...

I wouldn’t exactly consider myself domestically handicapped, nor would I call myself the queen of domestication. I’d say I fall somewhere in between. For example; canned biscuits are my best friends. I drink while folding laundry and, more often than not, have a beer with my “home cooked meal” (canned corn and some sort of chicken I sprinkled garlic salt on or drenched in barbeque sauce). Should I bring cookies to the new neighbor, they would be from the grocery store bakery and lovingly arranged on a floral paper plate. All in all, I’d say I get an “A” for effort.

Honestly, I’m doing it in the best interest of my boys. I would hate for their expectations to be set too high when it comes time for them to find a little domestic goddess of their own. Yes…that reasoning works…

I know I have the ability to be the Bree Van de Kamp of Spring Hill, TN. I even tried my hand at it for a while. Unfortunately, one divorce and a couple of heartbreaks later it made me realize that, even with the best effort, if your heart is not in it, your “human” will prevail. In the end, I was left with God, a glass of wine and one heck of a kitchen mess to clean while my 3 little angels threw punches in the living room.

I feel honesty is the best policy, seeing as I failed to be honest to even myself a couple of years ago. With that said I’m HONESTLY struggling. I’m struggling to allow God to guide to my actions. I’m struggling to do ALL things for His glory. I’m struggling to let go and let God. I’m struggling to clean this dang mess up from breakfast….

Some days are better than others. There are days I glow with confidence and others that I feel downer than dirt. There are days that every living soul is my best friend and other days that I’d pay to punch the next person who glances in my direction. You want an emotional roller coaster? Jump on!

Does that make me a failure? Nope. That makes me human.

Perhaps I may be a tad more dramatic in my emotions than most…some may disagree with the “tad” part. Heck, I’ve had more than one person walk away from me for that very reason. I also learned that God weeds out those who cannot love you unconditionally. Unconditionally as in, “You drive me crazy, have you lost your ever loving mind? I still love you.” In all fairness, who of us really is easy to love? We all have our faults. Some people just hide them better than others. If you think you are without fault, you would be the person I’d pay to punch. Just sayin’.

I feel like I’m repeatedly taking a college course that is designed to fail. The one class I’m never going to pass but will continue to take until I do. Its called “Being True to Yourself 101”. It’s full of lessons on loving others as God loves them, loving yourself as God loves you, seeking God even when you’re mad at Him, learning to accept your faults, not blaming others for your faults and praying for those who have hurt you. The most important lesson, however, is the lesson on being who you are and being PROUD of who you are. I feel that my grades are little better on that lesson here lately. The other lessons? Let’s just say “FAIL” seems to frequent my vocabulary. Oddly, I don’t think I’m alone in this class….

All of that said, sometimes I wish I was Martha Stewart with all of her domestic glory and illegal stock exchange wisdom. Mostly, however, I’m just glad my children get fed. My Susie Homemaker image may be slightly tainted but it sure does elicit a good belly laugh when the reality of it is revealed. I can handle that.

This is the beginning of my blog-o-rants and reality. May you enjoy.

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